The Feminine Girl's Guide To Thriving In College

While our modern society and social media often normalize a kind of prolonged adolescence, suggesting that “finding yourself” and learning to stand by your convictions is something that happens later in your mid-20s, college, beginning as early as freshman year, is actually the most formative time to solidify your values and character. But it's not without its challenges.

How can we resist the pressure to conform to what's "popular," opt out of parties we'd really rather not attend, and navigate delicate friendships and romantic relationships? And perhaps most challenging of all, how do we balance a healthy lifestyle while excelling academically, pursuing professional interests, and somehow still putting together outfits that make us feel confident and beautiful through every semester?

As an Ivy League graduate who never went to class without a carefully curated outfit, stayed fit and healthy, performed in classical ballets for all four years, remained classy and discerning, all while excelling academically with multiple leadership positions and awards, I’m here to tell you that it is entirely possible. And before you get overwhelmed, the good news is this is not as daunting as it seems. All you need is a consistent system, personalized to your schedule and needs. 

Let’s break it down into four main categories: physical health, wardrobe and lifestyle aesthetic, social navigation, and academic and professional engagement. 

Physical Health

The dreaded “Freshman 15” is no joke, and if you’ve ever set foot on campus, you know that it's abundant with greasy, artificial, and nutrient-deficient foods. The key to remaining fit and healthy is focusing on eating whole foods at least 80% of the time, staying hydrated, moving daily, and getting quality sleep. Yes, I know getting enough sleep is difficult when you're pulling all-nighters to study for exams, but remember: some sleep is better than no sleep, and quality matters more than quantity.

If possible, try to select a dorm that has a kitchen and learn to cook basic nutritious meals. Always carry a water bottle with you (finding a cute one that matches your go-to color palette is key here). As for daily movement, rotate libraries to get in extra steps or join an athletic or dance club. College is stressful enough without the added insecurity of gaining the freshman fifteen.

Now it's impossible to talk about physical health without mentioning our menstrual cycle. Is it inconvenient? Sure. What’s even worse is checking your period calendar and seeing it line up perfectly with exam week. Learning about your cycle as a woman is the single most important factor in maintaining your health and performance in college and beyond. I use the 28 app, which allows me to track my cycle and receive suggestions for foods and workouts that will support me throughout the month. The key is to organize your calendar according to your cycle: work on those hard projects and essays in your follicular and ovulatory phase, and save the easy citation and proofreading work for the luteal and menstrual phase. 

Wardrobe & Lifestyle Aesthetics

Ditch the sweatpants. Literally. Put them in the trash. And the leggings and hoodie. Sure, most college students are going to be wearing them to class, but you don't need to follow suit. There's nothing wrong with looking polished and beautiful, even in a sea of stained sweats.

As the saying goes, “look good, feel good.” The way we present ourselves to the world reflects how we feel internally. Throughout your freshman year, you'll probably accumulate a mountain of “going out clothes.” Think: cheap, polyester crop tops or multiple sorority-type dresses. That was my closet for the first year, too. But if you can, I’d recommend using that time to curate your capsule wardrobe instead. Focus on flattering silhouettes and prioritize high-quality staple pieces, such as a nice blazer, tailored pants, and classy and feminine dresses for daily classes, professor office-hours, and even networking lunches. It will undoubtedly set you apart from the rest of your classmates, for the better.

Everyone, especially those in senior positions, will take you more seriously if you dress the part. And best of all, you'll always leave a great first impression. Pro-tip: lay out your outfit the night before so you have a cute fit to look forward to in the morning. It's difficult to style a great look when you're running on five hours of sleep and you're worried about being late for class.

Social Navigation

Naturally, in dressing well and carrying yourself gracefully, you may feel self-conscious or even indirectly judged by your peers. More often than not, I’ve encountered situations where people would suspiciously ask “why are you dressed so well?” In an era where loungewear and messy buns are normalized, you can and should stay authentic in your style and character. 

There will come a time, usually in the first month of freshman year, where you'll be invited to a fun party. And you should go and experience it! There will also most likely come a moment where you feel a strong sense of belonging with your close friends and yet feel at odds with your values. You may find that these friends partake in excessive drinking, drugs, or blatantly destructive behavior and/or hold pessimistic, narcissistic attitudes towards the men in their lives, their future, and the state of our country.

As difficult and scary as it may seem, you have the agency to not partake in behaviors and attitudes that do not reflect your true self and worldview. It's unfortunately true that “cancel culture” is still alive and well on college campuses, and though it's possible you may lose friends and the cute guy you thought would be your forever, people will respect you more when you stand your ground and walk away gracefully from situations that do not serve you. And best of all, you'll feel proud of yourself for remaining true to your convictions.

Academic & Professional Engagement

Your college probably has more to offer than you ever imagined, and it's up to you to take the initiative to find those enriching opportunities. Aside from your classes, take advantage of all the student-led organizations and research opportunities that appeal to you. Join organizations that align with your values, build relationships with older students within those networks, and learn how to network professionally.

The quickest way to find your true interest, passions, and what skills come naturally to you is by immersing yourself in them. Opt for extracurricular activities that are a mix of academic and creative endeavors. While the common phrase of “just follow your passion” holds merit, the most successful people find a particular set of skills they naturally excel in first (working with numbers, communication/storytelling, nurturing, writing, or design/creativity) and then find a niche that allows them to leverage their skills for meaningful and satisfying work. 

Just like navigating social circles that don't align with your beliefs, it's equally important to stand by your beliefs and align them with real action in the classroom. And this is by no means easy. In our society where the overwhelming majority of women in college identify as liberal, holding and voicing counter viewpoints against the majority often leads to suspicious side-eye glances from peers at best, and downright hostility and grading bias from professors at worst. As Karin A. Lips, the Founder and President of the Network of Enlightened Women (NeW), states, "Conservative college women face silencing pressure from their peers, hostile liberal professors, biased administrators, and more.” 

Despite this reality, the good news is that your people are out there. With some effort and confidence, you'll find friends, professors, and mentors who share your beliefs and genuinely want to see you succeed. Stay unapologetically true to yourself and the right network will follow.

The women who graduate knowing who they are didn't figure it out overnight. They started building that foundation early. So use this time. Explore, make mistakes, strengthen your values, and figure out your own personal style along the way. The clarity you build now is what you'll stand on for the rest of your life.