Stop Saying This To People Doing Dry January
January has a way of inviting reflection. New planners, new routines, new promises to ourselves. For many women, that reset includes a little less alcohol on the calendar, whether it’s a full Dry January or simply being more intentional about when, and why, we pour a glass.
And yet, despite the fact that grown adults should be able to sip a chic mocktail in peace, opting out of alcohol can feel surprisingly awkward. Questions linger. Assumptions creep in. Well-meaning friends suddenly turn into amateur investigators. Declining a drink, especially in social or professional settings, can feel like you’ve disrupted an unspoken script.
That’s where etiquette comes in. Not to police anyone’s choices, but to restore ease, grace, and good manners to a moment that shouldn’t require an explanation at all. Below, I’m answering some of the most common, and most relatable, questions readers wrote in about navigating Dry January with confidence, kindness, and social poise intact.
Q: I’m doing Dry January, but I feel awkward turning down drinks at dinners and work events. How do I say no without making it a “thing” or sounding judgmental?
The most polite way to decline a drink is also the simplest: briefly, calmly, and without apology. A warm “I’m all set, thank you” or “I’ll do a sparkling water tonight” is more than sufficient. Etiquette doesn’t require an explanation, and the more you elaborate, the more attention you unintentionally draw to the choice.
Tone matters more than wording here. If your response is relaxed and confident, it signals that nothing unusual is happening, and most people will follow your lead. Remember, good manners are about putting others at ease. When you treat your decision as unremarkable, it allows everyone else to do the same.
Q: Is it rude to ask someone why they’re not drinking, especially if we’re close friends and I’m genuinely curious?
Even among close friends, asking why someone isn’t drinking often crosses a quiet etiquette line. Alcohol touches on health, fertility, religion, recovery, and personal boundaries; areas that are deeply private whether or not the person chooses to share them.
Good etiquette errs on the side of discretion. If someone wants to explain, they will. If they don’t, curiosity, however well-intentioned, can feel intrusive. A better approach is to take the information at face value and move on. Respect, in this case, looks like not asking the follow-up question and waiting for your friend to volunteer their reasoning.
Q: If someone tells me they’re doing Dry January, what’s the right response? Should I encourage them, ignore it, or change the subject?
The most gracious response is neutral support. Something as simple as “That sounds great,” delivered with a smile and positive body language, acknowledges what they’ve shared without turning it into a performance or a debate.
There’s no need to interrogate, applaud, or offer unsolicited commentary about discipline or willpower. Dry January is a personal choice, and polite conversation acknowledges it with ease before moving on.
Q: I’m hosting a dinner party this month. Is it bad etiquette if I don’t serve alcohol at all, or do I need to provide something for everyone?
Hosting an alcohol-free gathering is perfectly polite when it’s done with intention and care. Thoughtful offerings matter far more than what’s in the glass.
Providing appealing non-alcoholic options like sparkling water with citrus, a seasonal mocktail, or a beautiful tea or punch signals intention rather than omission. Guests don’t need wine to feel welcomed, they just need to feel considered. When hosts are confident in their choices, guests rarely miss what isn’t there.
Q: What’s the polite way to respond when someone pressures you to “just have one”?
A: Politeness does not require agreement or compliance. A kind but firm response, “No thank you, I’m happy with this,” sets a boundary without creating friction. If the pressure continues, calmly repeating yourself reinforces that boundary without escalating the moment.
Etiquette supports self-respect, and someone else’s discomfort with your choice is not your responsibility to manage. Calm consistency is often the most graceful way to end the conversation.
Q: If I’m a guest in someone’s home and they offer me wine, is it rude to decline if I know they chose it specifically for the evening?
A: Declining a drink doesn’t diminish a host’s effort. The key is gratitude here. Thank them for the offer, express appreciation for their thoughtfulness, and then choose what feels right for you.
Good hosts want guests to be comfortable, not coerced. Accepting hospitality does not require consuming everything that’s offered. A gracious “Thank you so much, that’s so thoughtful, but I’ll pass tonight” honors both the host’s effort and your own boundary.
Q: I’m doing Dry January, but I still love hosting, beautiful tables, and the ritual of gathering. How do I reconcile not drinking with a social life that still revolves around celebration?
One of the myths of modern social life is that alcohol is the centerpiece of celebration. In reality, what we’re drawn to is ritual: the lighting of candles, passing dishes around a table, the shared pause that says this moment matters.
Etiquette has never required alcohol to do its work. It asks only that we show up with intention and care. You can host a beautiful dinner, set a thoughtful table, and create an atmosphere of warmth without ever pouring a glass of wine. A well-considered mocktail, a seasonal spritz, or even a beautifully served tea preserves the sense of occasion just as effectively.
Forgoing alcohol for the month doesn’t mean opting out of pleasure or polish. It simply means shifting parts of your typical menu. When gatherings are rooted in hospitality rather than habit, the celebration remains no matter what’s in the glass.
Dry January may be a personal choice, but good manners remain communal. When we allow others their preferences, and ourselves a little more ease, January feels less like a test of discipline and more like what it’s meant to be: a reset that still leaves room for joy.
If you have a question for a future Ask Alison segment, kindly email info@elevateetiquette.com.
Alison M. Cheperdak, J.D., is the founder of Elevate Etiquette, a consultancy where she teaches modern manners in a gracious and grounded way. She is the author of a forthcoming book, “Was It Something I Said? Everyday Etiquette to Avoid Awkward Moments in Relationships, Work, and Life.”