What’s An S-Test? (And Why You Should Avoid It)

What’s an S-Test?

To be brief, this concept is when a woman figuratively throws crap at her man to see how he’ll react. To give a longer definition, according to our favorite resource for decoding all things colloquial, it’s “a manufactured grievance a woman uses to test the mettle, competence, and confidence of her mate. ​​It is an intentional provocation accompanied by an implicit and subconscious desire that the man put his foot down, set reasonable boundaries, and demonstrate that he will not be bullied, nagged, shamed, or guilted into submission.”

There are two levels to an S-test, and both can be found in any romantic setting. The basic, fundamental level might be used on any casual date or with someone you’ve just met who you’re interested in. Let’s say you’re a man out with your friends, and you buy a drink for someone who’s caught your eye at a bar as an introduction. Though she accepts the drink, when you press her to give you her number or ask to see her again, she might try any number of responses to gauge how interested you really are. She might say, “You’re not my type” or “I only date tall guys.” If it sounds stupid and superficial, it probably is, but she’s really looking at how you’ll react. If you respond with humor or sarcasm, instead of getting defeated or leaving in a huff, you might have a chance.

The second level is a relationship-level S-test. You might be dating, engaged, or even married, when your girlfriend, fiancée, or wife throws a wrench in the works. She might deny sex for no reason at all, or spend a large amount of money without consulting you first. She might even make a point to flirt with someone in front of you, or text an ex – all to see how you’re going to behave. While a basic S-test might be used to gauge how compatible you are as a mate and what kind of guy you are, a relationship-level S-test doesn’t have any real purpose except to garner attention and/or stir up drama. While there might be something to an S-test biologically, it should be avoided if possible.

The Biology Behind the Test

We know by now that women are the selectors when it comes to romantic relationships. We have the upper hand as far as deciding who to date and for how long. In any social setting, women are the ones being sought after (think of the guy buying her a drink at the bar who might get shot down), and ultimately, they have the final say as to if there’s a second meeting, date, or if numbers are exchanged.

With this in mind, an S-test makes some amount of sense from a biological standpoint. We want a man who has the brains and the brawn to protect us and our family, but before we make the jump, we want to see if he has what it takes. If we think back to prehistoric times, this is understandable, as we would have needed the most compatible mate possible to survive outside threats and raise a family. From a more modern standpoint, this kind of tactic stands the test of time. Is this guy I’m dating a good provider? Do our attitudes and values align? Does he have a sense of humor? Does he have a backbone? Is he too serious about lighthearted things or too flippant about important issues?

We want to see if a man has what it takes – brains, brawn, and backbone – to protect us.

But since women have figured out that it’s us and not the men who have the power to dictate if and when a relationship happens, we’ve perhaps become a little too over-confident. After all, if this guy doesn’t work out, there are sure to be 10 others who might. And if one guy can’t pass our smell test, however shallow or insincere it might be, there’s definitely one who can. Or so we might think.

The Curve Ball You Never See Coming

Any guy getting subjected to an S-test might see it as a curve ball. But what we might fail to consider, if this is one of our most frequently used ways to test our mate, is the curve ball he could throw at us. What it could boil down to is a man deciding that he’s through with the mind games and the drama and ending the relationship. He might even find a woman who doesn’t constantly put him through the wringer, but communicates with him and encourages him to be honest about the man he is rather than putting him in the dog house if he “passes” or “fails.”

S-tests may, to some extent, be a natural inclination on our part, but they also border on female entitlement, and more than that, a larger symptom of our culture. If we have been conditioned to see men, especially through the lens of hookup culture, as solely for our pleasure and completely disposable, then we have no problem subjecting them to our own random standards, which could very well distance us from them altogether.

Women constantly complain about a society that treats us as expendable objects, but don’t we do the same thing? We rely on S-tests because we see men as playthings or puppets with strings we can control. We tell ourselves we feel better wearing the pants or constantly subjecting them to this kind of treatment, but we’d be just as quick to complain of unfairness if they decided they were done with our behavior and dumped us. It’s this kind of behavior that leads us to depend on harassing our mates for validation or attention and them rightfully resenting us for doing so. And what guy wants to be with a girl he resents?

Closing Thoughts

Modern dating is filled with miscommunication and error on the part of both sexes, but we complicate things even further by not saying what we mean, not meaning what we say, and using men as toys for drama and excitement, especially because we’re told that commitment and monogamy eventually make a relationship stale. But if we keep putting our relationship and, most importantly, our man to the test, we may very well never have the chance to find out.

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