Really, How Expensive Is It To Have A Child? Here’s What The Data Says

According to a recent Pew Research report, 36% of adults aged 18-49 who say they are unlikely to have children made that choice because they feel they can’t afford kids. In addition, large majorities of childless adults aged 18-49 say they see financial and lifestyle advantages to remaining child-free, with 79% claiming it helps their ability to afford the things they want and 75% saying it helps them save for the future. Alarmingly, a rapidly growing number of adults are joining these numbers every year. According to the same Pew report, in 2018, 37% of adults under 50 said they were unlikely to ever have children. Fast forward just five years to 2023, and that number becomes 47%. 

From that first hospital bill to the nursery trimmings and trappings to navigating child care, there definitely are a lot of financial considerations involved when you bring a baby into the world. But how do the numbers really break down? And why is it, in an era of unprecedented personal luxury as compared to that of previous centuries, that we place so much focus on the financial burden of children rather than on any other aspect of growing our families and the profound experience of creating and raising new humans?

If you were able to ask your great-grandmother how much the expense of having children weighed into her decision to have them, you might be surprised by her answer – or her look of confusion at your question. In generations past, having children was seen as a natural part of life, something that most everyone did unless they weren’t able to find a spouse or they experienced fertility issues outside their control or they chose a specific pursuit that required them to remain single, like becoming a priest or a nun. Only 12% of people without children over the age of 50 cite the cost of children as their reason for not having them, and we can only assume that percentage would shrink with each generational move back in time, if we could only inquire past the grave. 

The socioeconomic and cultural factors that created this shift in the way we view having children are wide and far-reaching. On one side of the coin is the fact that we may be reluctant to give up our own comforts and luxuries now that we have them. Millennials and Gen Z love going out for brunch, traveling the world, and binging takeout and Netflix, all pastimes our ancestors would never have dreamed of being able to afford on a regular basis. Now that we have access to them, we’re pretty comfortable with our routines and the idea of letting any of those things go for someone else’s sake doesn’t sound too appealing. 

On the other side of that coin, we may feel that we need to be able to give a child a “perfect” childhood if we’re going to be responsible for their formation as people. Social media shows us endless images of put-together families, unlimited parenting advice, adorable baby outfits, and all the latest gadgets. If you can’t clothe your baby in 100% organic cotton, feed them only locally grown organic food, and have a nanny who also teaches music, Spanish, and French, then are you really even a good parent? Plus, as the generations with the most mental illnesses, by now we have all thoroughly examined our childhoods and realized the millions of little things our parents did wrong. We recognize the weight of the role of parent, whether for good or for bad, and might not be too eager to take on that responsibility in someone else’s life. 

Realistically, then, what is the cost of having a baby these days? 

The Cost of Giving Birth

The first expense you’ll want to budget for as a new parent is the cost of prenatal care and childbirth itself. This amount will vary based on your insurance plan and where you live, but the average out-of-pocket cost for childbirth is $2,854. Because you’ll be having routine prenatal appointments, plus the birth, plus starting newborn care with a pediatrician for your baby, you will most likely be hitting your insurance deductible for the year, which means you can plan to pay whatever that amount is rather than just $2,854. While again that number will vary based on your insurance plan, the average yearly deductible for an individual in 2024 is $5,101, which from my experience is about what we spent in total when our first son was born in 2022, including my prenatal care, his birth, and his night in the NICU. 

You will most likely be hitting your insurance deductible for the year, which means you can plan to pay whatever that amount is.

To save where you can, it helps to be aware in advance of what is included in your plan and what’s not. I had a few minor postpartum complications that led to hundreds of dollars spent out-of-pocket on lactation and postpartum follow-ups that I actually could have done without. Check to see how many of these follow-ups your insurance covers before agreeing to them, and then make smart choices about what you really need in these areas. 

The Cost of All “The Things”

As you’re getting ready for your baby, there are many amenities and items you’ll want to either purchase or acquire by other means. However, don’t necessarily use an average “what to put on my baby registry” list as a guide to how much you’ll need to spend in this area. For one thing, you’ll likely be encouraged to create your own registry so your friends and family can help take care of some of these expenses for you. You’d be surprised how eager people are to purchase tiny socks, rattles, and onesies for your expected little one, and some loved ones may even be willing to cover bigger purchases like the crib, the stroller, or the car seat. Then, if there’s anything remaining that you didn’t receive as a gift but truly need for your baby, first check whether you know anyone who has hand-me-downs or if you can purchase them used, when appropriate, because with babies, sometimes new truly is best (pacifiers, anyone?). Some great resources are Just Between Friends Sales, connecting with mom groups or Buy Nothing groups online, checking out your local thrift stores, estate sales, and garage sales, or simply shopping seasonal sales at traditional retail stores.

While the average middle-income family reported spending an average of $18,270 (adjusted for inflation) in 2022 on their child in the first year, not including birth costs, you can safely stay way under that amount. If you put in the effort to keep things frugal, you will find it easy to work below this figure. Some additional things you might consider include cloth diapering to save on monthly diaper and wipes expenses, limiting your nursery makeover to a minimal budget, breastfeeding if you are able, skipping expensive pregnancy and newborn photos, and always asking yourself if a purchase is a need or a want. You can buy things on sale and in bulk when possible (batteries and baby puffs come to mind), and simplify your family's budget by meal planning healthy, home-cooked meals. You can also make things you want for your baby yourself, whenever possible. I prefer natural, organic products, so before our baby was born I made his wipe spray, laundry detergent, soap, and shampoo to save on the costs of buying those things premade.

However, with almost one quarter of children under the age of 5 in some form of organized childcare, these average yearly expenses are weighted heavily by the cost of daycare, nurseries, and preschools. The reality is, the biggest expense you’ll have to consider is childcare.

The Big Question: To Daycare or Not To Daycare?

With the average cost of childcare in the U.S. at $18,886 per year, the U.S. Department of Labor suggests that the cost of childcare remains out of reach for many families. Seeing this number, in addition to all the other expenses and considerations we’ve discussed, might make it feel daunting to financially plan for a little one. For my own family, we found that adjusting my work schedule so that I only worked part-time when my husband was home and able to watch our baby was more affordable than opting for daycare and both working full-time. Luckily, I was already self-employed and able to create the schedule for myself that worked best for our family. It definitely would have been a harder decision to make if I had a more traditional 9-5 corporate job with a high salary, because the sacrifice in that case would have felt much greater. 

If you’re opting to spend more of your time at home than at work, you’ll find it a lot easier to stay on top of the various saving methods of the home economy, like making your own food, budgeting, and keeping up with the laundry for cloth diapering. You’ll also find that you’re generally able to breastfeed longer, because many working mothers find it hard to keep their supply up to their baby’s demands while spending 40 or more hours a week away from them. Staying home can also make the decision to have more kids more financially feasible, since you aren’t adding on to that biggest price tag, daycare, for any additional children and you already have the basic amenities for caring for a baby. 

If you’re planning on sending your kids to public school for K-12, then your daycare expenses will be limited to the first few years.

Something important to keep in mind is that if you’re planning on having your kids in preschool and then public school for K-12, your daycare expenses will be limited to the first few years. Alternatively, if you’re switching to part-time work or leaving the workforce while your kids are young, you’ll have the option to get back to a fuller work schedule after the first few years (which are conveniently the most crucial for children to be with their mothers).

Other Ways To Plan and Save

The biggest surprise expense for our family has definitely been the emergency room visits. When your spunky, active toddler wakes up from a nap suddenly unable to stand or walk, it’s basically a no-brainer to rush him to the ER. When the ER leaves you with no answers and he’s able to walk normally again the next morning without medical intervention, the second time the same thing happens some months later, you take a beat to research and “watch and wait” rather than facing that $1,000 or more bill for what feels like nothing. Knowledge truly can be power when it comes to health, so any time spent educating yourself on childhood illnesses and things that can go wrong with little ones is definitely worth your while. Then, try to be mindful of when to choose the ER versus urgent care versus minute clinics (listed in order of most expensive to least expensive) when things do go wrong.

You can also start planning and saving before you even get married. If the cost of your higher education falls on you, you could consider opting for a loan-free career instead. You can watch your spending by avoiding eating out, luxury purchases, and extra traveling to be able to have some savings built up by the time you are ready for children. You can invest those savings in stocks or a high-yield savings account to help them grow, and start contributing to an HSA for future medical expenses. You can build your credit and work to stay out of debt. Another financial resource is the U.S. Child Tax Credit of at least $2,000 per year per child, which can really help balance the books at the end of the year.

Closing Thoughts

Although it made more financial sense for me to stay home during the work day with my kids and work more in the evenings, and it might be easier for me to frame my decision in financial terms in casual conversation, at the end of the day that decision wasn’t a financial one. It was an emotional, spiritual, and primal one. I wanted to be home with my baby; I wanted to be the one raising him and seeing each tiny milestone unfold moment by moment. I wanted the challenge and sacrifice of motherhood and the reward of knowing that my baby felt secure and loved.  

I think it’s fair to say that, even with rising inflation, basing the decision to have or not have children on finances says a lot more about our priorities than it does about our wallets. If we view children as a burden, then of course we aren’t going to want to make compromises, give up luxuries we enjoy, or sacrifice anything for them. If, however, we view them as the blessing that they truly are, we’ll be willing to do whatever it takes to make their childhood perhaps not Pinterest perfect, but full of love, connection, and wonder.

This whole conversation reminds me of a book from my own childhood, one you may also know well: How The Grinch Stole Christmas. The Grinch thinks he can “steal Christmas” by taking all the presents, decorations, and fancy food from the Whos on Christmas Eve. When he returns to enjoy their disappointment on Christmas morning, he discovers them still celebrating, singing, holding hands, and rejoicing. 

As much as I love personal luxuries like fine dining, new clothes, and going on vacation, and baby luxuries like adorable high-end outfits, handmade toys, and all the summer programming, if you took all of that away from me you’d still find me smiling and loving my sweet boys. Maybe if anyone who thinks having kids comes down to finances could see that intimate moment of genuine love – not based on any material gain or value – they might find that their heart grows three sizes that day too. 

Support our cause and help women reclaim their femininity by subscribing today.