Men Cannot Win On Dating Apps

We love a man who knows how to use a camera...to take gorgeous pictures of us.

But the moment the camera turns around and he starts posing for it himself? With deliberate angles and careful lighting? Something primal within us recoils. It’s like watching a majestic lion try to take a selfie.

He’s simply not built for this.

The Unnatural Arena of Online Dating

And science backs us up. Historically, men were the hunters, not the hunted. They attracted mates through actions, bravery, protection, and provision.

Now, modern dating apps ask men to do the one thing that is most unnatural to them: get in front of a camera and look enticing. Thoughtful. Mysterious. Romantic. All at once. Here we are, asking that men present themselves like 2016 influencers, hoping to convey rugged sex appeal and emotional depth in five frozen selfies. This demand clashes with traditional masculine expressions, which emphasize action over appearance.

And it rarely works in their favor.

He’s Not Ugly, Just Doomed

Every option a man has on dating apps is a trap. If he’s handsome, he’s too handsome, like a walking red flag who definitely cheated on his last girlfriend with her Pilates instructor. If he’s holding a fish, he’s that guy. If he’s smiling with friends, we wonder, “Wait, is that his profile or the hot one on the left?” But if he’s not smiling, we assume he’s a serial killer.

A gym mirror pic? Vain and veiny. A cute dog? Still in a Patagonia vest. It goes on and on. Sadly, no photo is safe. No pose is sacred. There is simply no winning. But it’s not just the men who suffer here. Women lose too, because the very nature of an app flattens what actually makes us fall in love: the vibe.

Why Women Aren’t Winning Either

Unlike men who are more visually driven, women are neurologically wired to pick up on subtleties. Microexpressions. Scent. Voice. Energy. These aren’t fluffy intangibles; they’re survival data. We evolved to assess the totality of a man’s presence, his strength, his confidence, his kindness, all filtered through real-life proximity.

We need to feel it in the air, the way he walks, the sound of his voice, the quiet confidence or charismatic chaos of his presence. Does he make the room warmer or colder when he walks in? Is he the calm in the storm, or the storm itself? Right now, women are trying to decode pheromones through pixels, and frankly, they're exhausted.

According to a 2023 Pew Research study, women are 3x more likely than men to receive messages on dating apps, and men are twice as likely to say they never get a response at all. In fact, 78% of men on apps say they’ve felt ignored or invisible, while women report being overwhelmed by too many options. The result? A paradox of abundance and scarcity. Nobody’s happy.

Dating app fatigue is real. Research from Hinge found that 80% of users reported “burnout” after a few months of swiping. Women, in particular, report feeling jaded, skeptical, and tired of being approached with low-effort messages. Which begs the question: if everyone’s exhausted and dissatisfied, why are we still pretending this works for most people? And what’s the solution?

The Vibes Must Return

Apps were supposed to make dating easier. But the deeper you go into the data, the more obvious it becomes, they’ve mostly just made things weirder. A 2021 Stanford study found that online dating is now the most common way couples meet, yet the couples who meet through apps often report lower relationship satisfaction compared to those who met through friends or in real life.

At this point, we’re not confused about what’s wrong, we’re just avoiding the fix. And the fix is surprisingly simple.

The solution is more people putting themselves out there in real life. Maybe that means writing a love letter you’re nervous to send. Maybe it’s showing up to a community event alone, or saying yes to that bonfire or dance invite. Whatever it looks like, men need to become brave again, and women need to rediscover how to be warm. If a man just risks rejection to say, “Hey, I think you’re pretty,” you don’t have to go out with him, but you should say, “Thank you.” Right now, a lot of good men are scared they’ll be labeled creepy just for showing interest. And a lot of women are burnt out from shallow online interactions and craving something real.

Romance can only thrive when men feel safe to approach and women feel safe to respond with kindness. The more women respond with, “Thanks so much, but I’m taken,” instead of a disgusted glance or a viral TikTok, the more men will find the courage to try again.

Of course, there’s always some risk in romance; that’s part of the thrill. So, whether a woman is receptive or not, men still have to learn how to take rejection in stride and ask a woman out with actual words, not just heart emojis.

This used to be how the dance went. A glance across the room. A compliment. A conversation. Sometimes it led to nothing. Sometimes it led to love. Either way, it was human. The more we practice this ancient social art, the better we all get. The more confident men become. The more discerning and kind women become. The more real chemistry has a chance to develop.

So, ladies, next time a man approaches you in real life, be kind. You're doing more for the future of romance than all the apps combined. And to the men: put down the phone and say something brave.

Better vibes await.