I Don’t Want To Be Independent Anymore

Wanting to be a wife, a mother, and a homemaker has become weirdly polarizing, but for some of us, there’s nothing outdated or limiting about that vision. For me, the idea of an old-fashioned type of love feels like a return to something sacred and wholesome, something that not only aligns with my desires, but with my deepest instincts.

I’m a thirty-something woman living in London. I'm smart, relatively successful, and fully capable of taking care of myself. I own my own place, I pay my own bills, and I fix my own problems. I travel alone, I have hobbies, and I can stand up for myself. By every modern metric, I’m the strong, independent woman we’re all supposed to celebrate. And yet, after years of proving to myself I can do it alone, I’m finally done pretending that’s my ultimate goal.

By every modern metric, I’m the strong, independent woman we’re all supposed to celebrate.

The truth is: I don’t want to be this independent. I don’t want to do it all by myself, and I don’t want to be the man in my relationships. Even though I’m perfectly capable of doing it all alone, I don’t want to. Doing it all alone means having to be strong all the time, alert all the time, in control all the time. What I want is to exhale and rest, to be a wife who softens, surrenders, and builds a home, while a man protects, provides, and brings safety.

The Modern Maze of Relationships

Today, there are endless ways to define relationships: polyamory, monogamy, situationships, open connections, spiritual unions, and everything in between. Gender is fluid. Identity is self-created. You can be anything, date anyone, rewrite the rules in every which way you like. And to many people, this freedom is liberating, and I’m happy for them. But in this ocean of infinite choice, some of us are simply exhausted. To me, there is little more beautiful than the dance of polarity between a man’s strength and a woman’s tenderness.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I don’t write this as a rejection of the freedom others seek in modern relationships, and it’s not an attack on equality. I write this as a counter-voice to those who say we cannot and should not depend on a partner, and to honor what feels right for those who long for the simplicity of traditional union.

I’ve tried the 50/50 partnerships, the “we’re equals in everything” dynamic, the relationships where nobody leads because leading might be mistaken for control. I’ve dated soft, emotionally fluent men who gladly discuss every feeling for hours before deciding where to eat. I’ve been the one who approached the man, who made the reservations, and planned the dates, but it simply doesn’t lead to the kind of relationship that makes me feel at ease. This isn’t about promoting inequality or control, but about recognizing that for some women, the ultimate liberation is surrender, and for some men, the deepest fulfillment is to provide and protect. In a world increasingly fluid and self-defined, I still believe in traditional relationships.

The Feminine Needs a Fortress

As women, we’re taught to hustle, compete, and survive. Independence is a vital survival skill, yes. Being able to take care of yourself is necessary. If you can’t walk away, dependency can be dangerous, especially in the wrong hands. But beyond survival, I wonder if this endless push for total independence truly nourishes us in the long run.

I've spent years being my own fortress, building walls, guarding gates, standing watch alone. I’m tired. And in the quiet of my heart, I suspect many women feel the same, even if they don’t say it out loud. We aren’t meant to be soldiers all the time. We’re not designed to be our own protectors forever. Feminine energy thrives in safety. A flower doesn’t bloom in a storm; it opens under the warmth of the sun, in stillness and peace.

In a world that keeps insisting men and women are the same, I’m here to say: thank God we’re not. We have different strengths, different capabilities, different needs, and desires. The point is compatibility, not sameness. And after years of figuring out what works for me, I can tell you this: equality on paper doesn’t necessarily feel right in the soul. For some women, being with a man who leads, protects, and provides isn’t oppressive. Quite the opposite. It’s relief.

Equality on paper doesn’t necessarily feel right in the soul.

When I finally experienced that kind of presence, it was the first time in years that I got to exhale. When a man says, “I’ve got this,” and actually means it. When he walks on the traffic side of the sidewalk without thinking. When he handles problems without even making me aware of them. Something changes inside me. I can relax. My nervous system finally comes off high alert. I stop scanning the room for threats because, for once, someone else is doing it for me. That safety is like oxygen. It allows me to rest and lean back into my feminine nature, to bloom in ways all the “be a girl boss” anthems never could.

I become more playful, more radiant, more giving. Intuition sharpens. Warmth flows freely. Creativity sparks. And I’ve seen this same effect on other women, too.

And what’s more, it’s not only good for women. It positively affects men too. When men are allowed to be the rock, to provide, protect, decide, fix, and carry, they stand taller. They become stronger, prouder, more alive. And to many men, taking care of a woman feels natural, not burdensome.

What Makes a Relationship Work

A successful relationship isn’t just about loyalty or compatibility. It’s about the honoring of roles. Not rigid gender stereotypes, but the deeper essence of masculine and feminine energies working in harmony. When you’re with a man who makes you feel safe emotionally, physically, and energetically, you don’t have to perform or fight. You can just be.

In a deeply polarized union, the masculine is the container. It brings structure, direction, and protection. The feminine is the life force, bringing intuition, beauty, and love. Both are essential, and when these energies are respected, something magical happens. The relationship becomes a sanctuary and a space where both people become more of who they are, not less.

We aren’t the same, men and women, and pretending we are does a disservice to both parties. When we stop forcing ourselves to be what we’re not and honor who we are naturally, life becomes more fluent. And in love, our differences can make us more powerful. Instead of wanting two of the same, the thing we should strive for is complementarity, giving exponential strength and turning 1+1 into 10.

Surely, that kind of love is rare, but when it does arrive, you’ll know, because it feels easy. It feels safe. It feels like home.

It’s something you happily surrender to. There’s a kind of faith in this love because it's not about timelines or expectation, but about flow and trust, where each person gets to be who they are and the relationship evolves naturally.

Love shouldn’t be about pretending, nor should it be about becoming more feminine if you’re not, or more masculine if that’s not your nature, but finding something that complements who you are. The world doesn’t need one definition of love, but it does need more people brave enough to live the version that speaks to their soul.

For me, that means loving like a woman who knows the strength of her femininity and finding a man who treats it like gold. To that man, I will gladly offer my deepest loyalty, care, and devotion. Because when a man gives me the world, I want to give him heaven in return.

Yes, I'm a modern woman, but traditional love is the love my soul keeps asking for. A love where I finally get to exhale.