How To Stay Hot In The Winter

If you’re anything like me, you’re not you when it’s winter. Like Snickers commercials taught us long ago, there are certain things your body needs in order for you to “be you.” Things like food (i.e., delicious chocolate candy bars), rest, and, in the case of optimal mental health, rays of golden sunshine on your keen bare skin. Despite valiant attempts to adopt a hygge mindset, for many of us, results have fallen flat. Like Hillary Clinton trying to pretend she’s an actual feminist, it’s just not working. Winter has got to go.

But since that isn’t likely to happen (unless you’re one of the fortunate few to live in a perennially warm climate), our only alternative is to make sure that we personally stay very hot. Like, body temperature-wise. The goal is individual global warming achieved by multiple layers of sweaters, hats, coats, gloves, boots, and copious amounts of lip gloss (that wind chill). The result? A very high internal temperature, maintained at all costs. Borderline fever territory. (Plus naturally rosy cheeks, no blush/highlighter combo needed.)

In order to fully combat the Seasonal Scaries, though, in addition to feeling hot, looking hot is also preferable. Looking hot provides you with many things, the most important of which is prompt service from the hunky barista at the Starbucks counter. Very nice perk. Plus, if you’ve got a little makeup on, no one will be able to tell that you’re slowly dying inside from the lack of natural vitamin D. Which is really all that matters. Staying hot in the miserable cold, literally and superficially, is good work if you can get it.

But how to stay hot during arctic chill, notoriously devastating to sought-after supple, dewy skin? Fortunately, there are some effective hacks. Bella Dane (@spicybells) broke it down for us recently on TikTok. 

In a sentence: moisturize like your life depends on it. (It does.) There are a few other tips, too.

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Drench Yourself

Ever noticed how sad dry, flaky skin looks? Not cute (chronic dry skin sufferer here). Moisturization is essential to retaining hotness. I believe it was Patrick Henry who, in a battle cry against lackluster complexions, said, “Give me humidity, or give me death!” (Based.) Or, if not actual humidity, at least give me some obscenely rich face cream that creates a mask so thick it rivals Robin Williams’ elderly British nanny.

Here are a few Dane recommends for the face, hands, and body:

REN Clean Skincare Evercalm Overnight Recovery Balm, $55 

Freck Beauty Rich Bitch Cactus + Vitamin C Moisturizer, $34 

Caudalie Premier Cru Skin Barrier Rich Moisturizer with Bio-Ceramides, $129 

First Aid Beauty Ultra Repair Cream Intense Hydration, $38 

Caudalie Vinoperfect Radiance Dark Spot Serum Vitamin C Alternative, $82 

OSEA Undaria Algae Body Butter Ultra-Rich Hydrator, $56 

Caudalie Hand and Nail Cream, $16 

OSEA Undaria Algae Body Oil To Hydrate and Glow, $52 

Nécessaire The Body Lotion Firming Moisturizer, $28 

Protect the Locks 

Luscious locks are a must. Ever seen the glow up that is a really good blowout? (A.k.a. frizz-fest turned next top model.) Get a taste of the blowout effect daily by treating your hair right. It all starts with how you dry. And no, we’re not talking about heat. Success comes when choosing your towel. 

That’s right. How you towel off can make a big difference when it comes to smoothness and shine. Traditional cotton towels are rough on hair, and can cause unnecessary entanglement and frizz. Microfiber towels, however, have finer fibers, and are gentler on the hair cuticle, leading to less breakage. 

Aquis Hair Drying Towel, $25 

They’re also highly absorbent, which helps hair dry faster and require less (if any) heat. The result? Healthier, shinier hair. Like magic. According to Dane, adding in a few of these products won’t hurt either.

OUAI Treatment Mask for Fine and Medium Hair, $38 

OUAI Detangling and Frizz Fighting Leave In Conditioner, $30 

Maintain Some Color

For those less blessed in the melanin department, winter has us looking, well, a little pasty. But with modern technology and #science, it doesn’t have to stay that way. The miracle that is self-tanner is one of the great innovations of our time. It would be a shame not to take advantage. A couple of drops a day, and you’re transformed from a perpetually pallid Snow White to a freshly spray tanned Paris Hilton. Nothing says thriving like a perfectly sunkissed mug. Here’s how to get it:

Tanologist Face + Body Self Tan Drops, $22 

Rest is Best

Of course, no winter hotness checklist would be complete without a plug for hibernation (the ultimate beauty sleep). Turns out beauty sleep is a real thing. According to the Sleep Foundation, getting enough sleep can result in reduced wrinkles, enhanced complexion, and prevention of dark, under-eye circles – all essential if staying hot is the goal. And what better time to get that beauty sleep than a season where the sun sets at 5 p.m. and it’s physically impossible to leave the house after dark (frostbite central)? To any sane person, whether hotness is the goal or not, there’s no better feeling than climbing into your warm cozy bed and getting a full eight hours of relaxing, restorative, blissfully restful sleep. Doctor’s orders.

Closing Thoughts

Staying hot in the winter is totally achievable. Just remember the rules. Rule number one: Never go outside. Like, ever. And if you absolutely must, see rule number two, which is to refer to rule number one. Third – and this one’s important – moisturize like a dragon queen trying to change her stars. Or one who’s spent way too much time on TikTok (will have the same result). Either way, we recommend claiming your spot on the sectional, smothering yourself in faux fur, and taking a long winter’s nap, never to awaken until spring.

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