How To Know If He Has You On A Roster

Many times, it’s not such a hush-hush situation when a man has you on a roster. Your feelers, i.e. your feminine intuition, indicate something is “off” about him. He’s in no rush to commit, and chances are, he has made that clear to you on several occasions. 

Often, your first clue is he will tell you, “I don’t want anything serious,” and he will expect you to proceed with him on his quest for uncommitted sex simply because many other women have or will. If you happen to be the rare woman who won’t stick your head in the sand when confronted with these more salacious sexual proposals, he may try harder in other ways to retain you and keep you on his trusty list of girls he uses for sex, attention, and situationships, i.e. his roster. 

According to the Urban Dictionary, to be on a man’s roster is defined as “a group of girls that can be called on at any time for casual sex. These girls don’t know about the roster or each other and to add girls to this group is known as building your roster.”

Your first order of business is to realize that being on a man’s roster is an insult as much as it is a romantic dead end. The “rules” have already been broken; the implication of you being on a man’s roster is that a man has relegated you to not being a serious contender for a relationship.

Yet today, the rules have changed. For Gen Z girls, it’s often out in the open that men have rosters of women they use for casual sex. It would be prudent for you to screen and vet any man to see if “rosters” are part of his repertoire. If they are, then you’d be even smarter to send him packing. 

So, how can you tell if a man has you on a roster? Let’s find out…

The Problem with Being on a Roster

Today’s men don’t face any real cultural ramifications or any social consequences in approaching women for casual sex. Men have become brazen in their sexual ill-treatment of women because many women will oblige, believing they will be "the woman who can win him.” These women fail to realize that being on a roster and competing with other women in “how to outperform and out-sex the rest” will not get them the relationship they want.

Family Life Ministry noted in an article entitled, “Casual Sex: What’s in it for Her?” that 83% of women prefer a traditional relationship to a noncommittal, sexual one. They asked, “How does it work to pursue extreme intimacy in one sense, and yet stay emotionally distant?”

That article was a prologue to Suzanne Venker’s 2019 exposé in The Federalist entitled, “Ladies, Stop Trying to Have Sex Like Men,” and in it lies a very sobering truism: “People treat sex like it’s casual. It’s not. Sex is unbelievably complicated. It’s dangerous. It involves emotions. It involves pregnancy. It involves illness. It involves betrayal. It reaches right down into the roots of someone. You don’t play with something like that casually. Well, you can, but you’ll pay for it.”

Men can treat sex as casual because men don’t have sex like women. And women don’t have sex like men. When a man makes this blatant suggestion to you, and you’re a woman who’s not lying to herself about “sex being casual,” it’s hurtful. It’s insulting. It’s demeaning. You feel disregarded, uncared for, and unloved.

No Emotional Intimacy Is a Red Flag

When you first meet a man, you must learn to be cautious. You must allow sufficient time (and a good amount of everyday tension, besides sexual suggestiveness, to churn to a boil) to prompt him to reveal his character and his intentions for you. 

If he has you on a roster, it’s a safe bet that he will not offer you any intimacy beyond the physical. He won’t care that your dog died. He won’t show concern that your grandmother has dementia. He won’t call when you need tutoring for that exam you have in trigonometry on Monday. 

All points of contact will only be about “fun,” mostly involving lots of sex talk. He’ll rush you into compromising situations that make you feel uncomfortable and unsure of where you stand with him. He will refuse to disclose any details about his personal life that might open the door to emotional intimacy.

Men who keep you on a roster have a “cog in the machine” approach where women are interchangeable things that can be switched up and changed out at will. 

Men who keep you on a roster have a “cog in the machine” approach where women are interchangeable things that can be switched up and changed out at will. Therefore, his presence will seem mechanical, unfeeling, and cold.

Look at his behavior toward you. If he is uncaring, chances are, you are on a roster. No one woman can sustain his interest, and whether or not he discloses to you that he’s seeing other women casually, he just won’t seem to care. If he’s here today, gone tomorrow, then it’s a safe bet for you to assume he’s consorting with a “rotation” of girls. And he’s having uncommitted and unemotional sex with them too. 

Strategic Girl Game To Get Him To Spill the Beans on Rosters

The days of Don Juan sweeping you off your tootsies to land you inside a 1,200 thread-count set of satin sheets are over. Men don’t have to break out all the stops any longer to procure any amount of casual sex. Therefore, it’s up to you to begin assessing these men using the more advanced girl game tricks up your sleeve to coax it out of them. 

Try these methods:

1) Introduce a fictional third party.

Ask him, “Whoa, my friend at work told me this guy she really likes told her she was on a roster. She’s heartbroken. What do you think of this? What should she do?”

The reason this method works so well is because by introducing a fictional third party, he’s not being directly impacted nor is he being implicated in the made-up, random situation at hand. 

Therefore, he may be inclined to disclose his true opinion on rosters, up to and including having his own, and possibly having a “slip of the lip” and accidentally (or on purpose) disclosing to you his intentions of putting you on a roster. 

2) Ask him if he’s seeing other girls in a disarming way.

Say to him, “You’re so hot. I bet so many girls want to be with you. How do you deal with it? It must be so hard to settle down!”

Then proceed to let him brag about himself and his many conquests if applicable. As mentioned, the majority of guys don’t have much going on in terms of guy game and they’re more than overjoyed to let the mask slip. They love to brag about things that they should keep a tight lid on. 

Closing Thoughts

As women, it’s an increasingly treacherous path navigating today’s dating scene with men who have rosters of girls they’re sleeping with and for whom they hold little regard.

You’re tasked with being above the fray and not falling for this underhanded trickery. Use your intuition. Run girl game. Take your time and let him reveal himself and his intentions. Loose lips sink ships, and if he’s like most guys on the dating scene, he’ll tell you all you need to know (they can’t help it, everyone’s a legend in their own mind).

The fewer women who are willing to be on rosters, the fewer men who will go around brazenly believing that rosters are romantically acceptable. And true love and lasting relationships will begin to flourish and bloom once more.

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