He Wanted To Abort Our Daughter—Now He’s Pretending To Be A Feminist

It was time for bed. Our same routine of pjs, soft music, and lights out. The time of the day when everything slows down, and it’s just me and my daughter, connecting and talking as she trails off. She always saves deep thoughts for bedtime because it buys her more awake time. 

But this night was different. Her little face was scrunched and burdened. She opened her mouth, and out came, “Mom, Dad told me the truth about you. He said we’re not the same. Because one day, I’ll grow up to be a real woman, and that’s something you’ll never be.” 

I was stunned. I didn’t know how to react. And before I could stomach a response, she abruptly followed with, “Mom, what’s abortion, and why does Dad say I need to like it?”

And with those words, I was transported.

My Pregnancy Was Unplanned, Not Unwanted

Sure, my pregnancy was unplanned, but my daughter was not unwanted. Just like the majority of women with unplanned pregnancies, I knew pregnancy wasn’t going to be easy. But I really did love my boyfriend. That’s why I thought he’d be shocked but happy when I told him I was pregnant. But that’s not what I got. When I told him the breaking news, he proceeded to engage in a full night of drinking. 

After he was drunk, he got in my face and demanded I abort our child. I don’t know how I mustered the courage, but I told him under no conditions would I abort. I had been pregnant before and had chosen adoption for my son. If I could go through that, there’s no way in hell I would eliminate this child. To my surprise, he backed down and never threatened me with abortion again. And I’m embarrassed to say this, but I felt lucky. I had friends who were forced to abort by their partners, but thankfully, that was not going to be my story.

However, our relationship did not stand the test of time. And when our daughter was one, we split.

The Male Feminists – Who Are They?

I never knew a term for it before, but I quickly came to realize that my daughter’s dad and the other “creative” types I dated thought of themselves as “male feminists.” It was a whole vibe. The Bernie Sanders pins, the pristine record collection, the insistence on pushing one narrow type of social activism. Whether then or now, there’s one defining characteristic of all male feminists that’s often parodied, and it’s their effort to shame all women into embracing abortion. 

I’ll never forget the night I was out with a group – some friends, some not. At this time, I was a single mom working two jobs and putting myself through college. During the evening, someone asked for a woman’s opinion on a topic, and a “male feminist” at the table quickly said, “Well, I’ll speak for Emily since I’m way more of a woman than she is, based on what she believes.” I thought, “Are they multiplying?”

It was just another stark realization that this mindset – this male feminism – was more pervasive than I had realized.

Male feminists hitch their wagon to the radical feminist ideology that women must embrace abortion on demand without limits. 

Unsurprisingly, these guys hitch their wagon to the radical feminist ideology that women must embrace abortion on demand without limits. They’ve completely ignored that most abortions in America are either forced, coerced, or inconsistent with the woman’s values. But, according to them, if you’re not cheerleading it, then you’re “not a woman.” It’s glaringly obvious how male feminists stand to benefit the most from this extreme ideology. Man gets woman pregnant. Woman gets abortion. Man finds another woman, and repeats the cycle – with no consequences. 

Male feminists believe that all women must think and act in one way for them to consider you a woman worth any value. Isn’t that ironic? In one fell swoop, they’re denying value to both a woman and her child. It’s not only arrogant but ignorant. And instead of looking at solutions for better maternal financial and emotional help, they’d rather push us to abortion drugs or surgery. 

There Is Nothing New under the Sun

What is so striking to me is that history repeats itself. And that is certainly true here. Throughout our nation’s history, when you find stories of abortion, you always find “male feminists” pushing it as a cure-all for women’s “problems,” while incidentally absolving them of their own. That is the history of abortion in America: powerful men with an agenda using women to carry out or push abortion. 

The first recorded abortion in America was in 1652. A married Captain Mitchell forced his servant girl Susan Warren to abort after impregnating her. She needed to cover up his rape and infidelity problem.

Flash forward to the 21st century, and you can hear similar stories from women like Elizabeth, whose boyfriend pushed her into abortion. As she put it, “His burden became my burden, and I needed to fix it for his benefit, his future.” 

And look at the recent breaking news from Britney Spears. For over two decades, she bore the trauma of an unwanted abortion that she carried out at the behest of her then-boyfriend Justin Timberlake. She says that decision still haunts her to this day.

Just because these women did not want to get or possibly even support the act of abortion, it did not make them any less of a woman. 

Indoctrination – Turning Kids into Radical Activists

And that leads me to the heart of this entire conversation for me, my daughter. 

Back to that critical night when my daughter confronted me about my womanhood. I saw in her eyes a seismic shift in the way she looked at me. To her, I wasn’t the woman who had proudly given her life – I was the cultural pariah who was no longer woman enough. 

It wasn’t until much later that I learned her father had been putting her through ideology boot camp during her visitations. He would grill her on who she supported as a presidential candidate, what news she listened to, what were the right social issues to support, how she could be a good ally/activist. She was in elementary school.  

No one can rob or culturally shame you out of a being a woman. 

He Severed Our Female Bond

At the end of the day, I wasn’t hurt because he encouraged our daughter to question my womanhood. I’m confident in who I am. Before I came out of the womb, I was a woman. It is an immutable characteristic that will never change based on how I feel or think. 

What broke my heart was that my little girl no longer saw me as someone who shared in our female bond. Her dad couldn’t even give us that. But over time and with age, we’ve been able to restore and repair the chipping away that was done. We have “girl talk walks,” and she shares her heart with me. She talks about her dreams of being a mom and wife one day. 

And I catch my breath because I want her to live that dream, fully supported and without shame.

Closing Thoughts

No one can rob or culturally shame you out of a being a woman. Before you took your first breath, you were formed as a woman. 

Many people don’t realize that most abortions in America are unwanted. Let’s all work together to support and serve women with unplanned pregnancies, connecting them to the resources they’re crying out for over allowing them to succumb to the lies of radical feminist men and women. Together, we can lift each other up instead of shaming and devaluing one another. Both for us and for future generations to come.

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