For The Girls Still Waiting On Their Love Story

I was sitting at a café, working on my laptop, and there he was. A mysterious, handsome gentleman, sitting just across from me. We must have both sat there for about two or three hours. 

At a certain point, I was running out of battery on my laptop, and he kindly offered to switch places with me so I could charge. That’s when we finally started talking.

Initially, I wasn’t necessarily blown away, but I was definitely open to chatting more. He was nice, good-looking, and easy to talk to. So when he asked me out, I didn’t hesitate. Perhaps I should have.

We went on our first date two days later. We had a few exchanges over text in the interim, but not much. As I got ready, I struggled to decide what to wear. I decided to keep it simple: black loose-fitted pants, a white top, and a chunky, gold necklace to spice it up. I tied my hair back and put on my makeup before heading out.

When I arrived at the restaurant, he was already there. He spotted me and greeted me with a charming smile.

“You look beautiful,” he said.

“You’re not looking too bad yourself,” I replied, as I looked at him and smiled.

We had an early dinner because we planned to see a show afterwards. As we took our seats and started looking at the menu, he ordered himself a glass of wine.

Dinner was lovely. From the very first moment, I felt comfortable around him. He was pleasant and endearing, soft but confident. As we left the restaurant, he grabbed my hand, and I let him.

Being with him felt natural. His demeanor made me trust him in a way that opened my heart. Following his lead felt easy, and it didn’t take long for me to fall head over heels in love.

It’s been almost a year since that day.

No wedding bells or baby bumps. 

It was as beautiful a love story as it was brief. Soon after it started, it already began to fall apart. He wasn’t ready, he said. But despite it being short, it left an imprint, and a thought that still lingers. That nothing quite compares.

Following his lead felt easy, and it didn’t take long for me to fall head over heels in love.

Although I'm not in love with anyone anymore, I still love the person I got to know then. He was not a perfect man, but I fell in love with him for who he was, not because of anything he did to deserve my love. I think that's what love is.

There’s no convincing necessary. It doesn’t stop when your lover has had a bad day or they don’t live up to how you think they should be. It doesn’t fade if they let you down or don’t meet some criteria that you may have set. You just love them because of, and despite who they are. 

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve tried to convince myself into love. I tell myself why I should be in love with a man, and all the reasons why he's great. It never works. You just find yourself measuring them by things that don’t matter in the slightest. You give points for the times they're "good" and then judge them for the times they're not. You get distant or resentful, but it’s really not their fault. It’s yours, because you knew, deep down, they weren’t right for you. 

You can’t will yourself into loving somebody. It either happens, or it doesn’t. There is no negotiation, no arguing. You can’t debate yourself into feeling a certain way.

But when you’ve been single for a while you're led to believe you’re the issue. You’re too picky or too difficult. We start thinking we’re the problem so we try to force ourselves into love.  

We date, we give them chances, maybe even one too many. We bargain with our heart and talk ourselves into how amazing these people are. But it’s not enough. Love doesn’t care. 

I don’t want to have to manufacture love. I simply want to feel it when I look at him. I want to be happy when I hear the sound of him walking through the door after a long day at work. I want to love without conditions. The love that I’ve been promised by Hollywood movies. A ride or die love. 

The problem is, this is hard to find. But when you do, it changes you. It lifts you up, it gives you life and energy. It makes you want to do more. Be more.

That’s what I felt with him. He made me feel beautiful and cherished. He brought ease, joy and abundance, and that was what I longed for. We saw each other every day from the very first date until the moment it ended. Life with him was beautiful, and if it were my choice, I never would have left. 

And yet, though it has ended, I don’t look back at it with regret. I’m grateful that, at least once, I had a love that felt like a fairytale. Just minus the ‘happily ever after.’

Sometimes I think about the lessons these moments bring and why.

You fall in love. It’s beautiful. And then it breaks your heart.

Love is rare and unpredictable. And it is precisely because of that, that it means something. 

You cry, you piece yourself back together, you move on. You focus on your work, your hobbies, your friends. And at a certain point, balance is restored, and life is fine again.

And then, just like that, there they are.

You think about them as you're looking at a new face that sits across from you. And without meaning to, you compare. 

You go to bed at night after a fine day, and as you lay your head down on your pillow they find their way into your thoughts. You imagine them vividly. You travel back to the time you were with them. It may have been ages, but it feels as if it were just yesterday.

They never really get erased until you fall in love again, with another. And I don’t mean the love you have to convince yourself into. I mean the love that takes you effortlessly, whether you want it to or not.

No one is promised love. You are no more destined to find love because you exist than you are guaranteed anything else in life. You don’t deserve it because you’re a good person. You can’t get it by ticking the right boxes or making sure that every step you take is right.

It is often thought that love is inevitable. That no matter what you do, you will eventually fall in love. But I don’t believe it works that way. Love requires stepping out there and exposing yourself to the world, and that is within your control. But it also requires luck and timing and various other factors that we simply cannot manage.

One day, as I sat chatting with an old friend of mine in the chilly London weather, he told me that, at 71, he still believes in love. And though it may not have a picture perfect ending, he told me his story.

He was very young when he first met his ex-wife. They dated for a while, until one day, they broke up. She wasn’t the one, he realized. Then, years and years later, he happened to see her again at a party. They chatted, and by the end of the night they had gotten back together. 

“It was a mistake,” he told me, for a lot of different reasons. But he stayed. They got married a few years later, and had four children. It wasn't a happy marriage, and eventually they got divorced. 

He was still young at the time they separated, and he believed he would meet someone else, and have a second marriage. But he never did. 

Love is rare and unpredictable. And it is precisely because of that, that it means something. 

My friend did have relationships after. Some short, some longer, but he never found “the one.” 

He still dates. He took a lady he fancies to the ballet today. I have my fingers crossed.

Love isn't exactly what he thought it'd be, he told me. But he wouldn’t change things if he could. Because even though he hasn’t found the one (yet), he found another kind of love, which is perhaps even deeper. The love he feels for his kids, and his grandchildren now. 

Love is beautiful. It's the most beautiful thing there is, and it may even be the reason why we do anything at all. It’s the reason we take chances, the reason we care for others. It’s the reason we have hope.

There is love in everything: in friendships, strangers, in the thrill of meeting someone new.

And we should never give up on that. Because to give up on love is to give up on life.

To give up on love is to give up on life.

Whether you're old or young, healthy or unwell, love lives in hope and magic. It doesn't answer to force and doesn't speak in any recognizable language. It comes when it wants, and it happens the way it does. I'm sure you'll fall in love again. And I’m certain I will too. I don't know when. Maybe in a few years. Maybe tomorrow. But someday, for sure. 

But only if we’re able to keep our hearts open. Because love isn't necessarily easy. It has scars, and heartbreak, and it cries, and needs cheesecake. But it's also beautiful and joyous.

There have been many singers and writers and thinkers who have said that life, like love, comes with ups and downs. It's the yin and yang. One can't exist without the other. So maybe love couldn't be felt without pain, either. There's no guarantee that we'll find love, but there is one thing we can say with some degree of certainty: love won't find you with a guarded heart. 

Love comes with risk. And a lot of stumbling and kissing frogs. 

In the meantime, though, here's my advice: just live. Have some fun. Put yourself out there. Do things you love. Do things that nourish you and that make you grow, that are good for you. And one day, if you let it, love will take you. Not by force or pressure, but as a river’s gentle current.

And that day, you'll find yourself, as you've found yourself before, in love.