Do These 6 Things To Make It Easier For New People To Talk To You
A conversation is a two-way street, but there are things you can do and say to make it easier for people to engage with you so that it’s a more pleasant experience for you both.
It’s one thing to make yourself more approachable by smiling more or making direct eye contact, but being approachable is only a small piece of the social interaction puzzle. Once another person has approached you (or you’ve approached them), you still have to have an entire conversation! And conversations are hard, especially for those of us who are introverts (*raises hand*) and despise small talk.
While it can be tricky to have genuine conversations with complete strangers, there are a few things you can do to actually make it easier for people to talk to you. Here are some tips that will help your next social interaction go from awkward to awesome!
Help Them Remember Your Name
You know that panicked feeling you get when you’re speaking with someone and realize you have completely forgotten their name even though they just introduced themselves to you 30 seconds ago? It happens to all of us, and that panicked feeling can make it more difficult to engage in a meaningful conversation because you’re worried about the other person realizing you’ve forgotten their name already.
When you introduce yourself, say “My name is…” instead of just “I’m…” because it primes the other person’s brain to receive this information. And if you have a complicated or uncommon name, repeat it or give the person a trick to remember it. “My name is Agatha. Yup, just like the mystery writer Agatha Christie!”
Don’t be afraid to repeat your name when you end the conversation either. “It was so nice meeting you! And again, my name is Agatha. There are so many new people here tonight, I know it’s hard to remember all those names!” This is also a good trick if you’ve forgotten the other person’s name because they’ll likely repeat their name back to you.
Ask Specific Questions
How do you feel when someone asks you “How are you?” You probably feel absolutely nothing because we’ve all gotten numb to that question at this point in our lives. No one expects a real answer to the question “How are you?” except for maybe our close friends and family. When someone asks you that in a public setting or at work, you’re going to give a canned response because you know it’s not a question anyone answers honestly. So don’t ask it the next time you start a conversation!
Generic questions (and answers) are a conversational dead-end.
When you meet someone new, ask them specific questions that catch them a little off-guard. This will not only make you more memorable, but it will make for a more enjoyable conversation. You don’t have to ask them their deepest darkest secret right off the bat, but ask them questions that will prompt them to give more thoughtful and honest answers, like:
What was the most exciting part of your day today?
Do you have any vacations on the horizon that you’re looking forward to?
If you were DJing this party, what song would you play next?
I’m looking for a new podcast, do you have any that you love?
How do you know the host?
Be Curious
People love to talk about themselves. Even introverts! While it can sometimes be hard to get people to open up, once you get most people talking about a subject that’s important to them, they’re happy to go on and on. Let them! If they say something you don’t understand, ask them to explain it in more detail. If you can tell you’ve hit on a subject they’re really passionate about, ask them why it means so much to them. Being curious is the key to having great conversations.
Being curious is the key to having great conversations.
Give Specific Answers
Even if someone hits you with a generic question like “How was your day today?” give them a specific answer. “My day was great! I got lunch at this new spot downtown and had the best pad thai of my life.” Specific answers give people something to latch onto in a conversation. “I love pad thai too! What was this place called? I actually visited Thailand last year…”
When you give generic answers, it will be more difficult for the person you’re speaking with to ask you follow-up questions. If you respond to “How was your day?” with “It was good” that gives the other person absolutely nothing to work with. Just like generic questions, generic answers are a conversational dead-end! Giving specific answers and being more open and honest will make the other person feel more comfortable to be open and honest in return.
Use Common Language
When we speak about a subject we’re familiar with, it’s easy to wrongly assume that the other person is working with all of the same information we are, but that’s rarely the case. This is especially true when we’re talking about our jobs, which is a common topic of conversation when we meet someone new. When someone asks you what you do for work, don’t just say “I work in sales” or “I work in tech.”
Use common language that people can understand no matter what their area of expertise is. Sometimes people fear asking questions about things they don’t understand in a conversation because they’re worried they’ll look stupid or they’re not really sure what to ask about if the topic is so foreign to them. Try to mitigate this by answering questions before they even have a chance to ask them. “I work in sales for a paper company in Scranton, PA” gives people way more to go off of than simply saying “I’m in sales.”
Actively Listen
This is going to sound obvious, but when someone is speaking to you, actually listen to what they’re saying. Everyone hates awkward lulls in conversation, especially with someone new. That’s why it’s so tempting to use the time we’re not talking to plan what we’re going to say next. But if you do that then you’re not actually paying attention to this person, which means you’re not really having a conversation at all!
Actively listen the next time you’re in a conversation with someone. Nod, laugh, say “hmmm” or “oh” at appropriate times, and really digest what they’re saying. Find things to hook onto in their own answers and use those hooks to ask questions that will deepen your conversation. When someone feels that they’re really being heard and that you’re interested in what they have to say, they’re going to be much more excited to talk to you again.
Closing Thoughts
Being easy to talk to and having great conversations is a learned skill, and just like any other skill in life, it gets easier with practice! The next time you’re going to a social event, remember to stay curious, actively listen, and get specific. You’ll have much better conversations if you do.
Don’t miss anything! Sign up for our weekly newsletter and get curated content weekly!