Brides Are Expecting Too Much From Their Guests And Social Media Is To Blame

Off the top of your head, what do you think the average price of a wedding is in America? If you guessed $35,000, then you’d be correct. To put that in perspective, you can buy a brand-new car or put a down payment on a house for that much money, and many people would probably argue that’s a much wiser way to spend it. 

Keep in mind that $35,000 is only the average, meaning many couples spend much more than that on their wedding. Things like venues, catering, DJ/band, flowers, photography, and a honeymoon can quickly add up to well over that amount. Sure, sometimes parents are the ones paying for the big day, but many couples foot the bill (or at least part of the bill) themselves, and it can put quite a dent in their savings accounts – or worse, drive them into debt. 

If you have the means to spend tens of thousands of dollars on your big day without undermining all of your other financial goals, then go for it. But why dig yourself into a financial hole if you don’t have to? 

Spending More on Your Wedding Doesn’t Equate to Greater Happiness

There’s no mandate that says you need to have an expensive wedding. I know we all feel a certain pressure to “keep up with the Joneses,” and it’s difficult not to compare yourself to the people around you. 

When you see friends, acquaintances, or even total strangers on social media having lavish wedding ceremonies and receptions, it can make brides feel pressure to ensure that their own wedding day is just as over-the-top and memorable. Getting married is (ideally) a once-in-a-lifetime event, and it’s understandable that couples would want to go all-out to celebrate that. 

They want the open bar, the live band, the extravagant wedding dress, and the beautiful venue, especially when these are the kinds of weddings that we see highlighted on social media. But spending more money on your wedding does not mean that you’ll be any happier than if you’d just walked down to the local courthouse. In fact, some studies have found that spending more on your wedding actually correlates to higher rates of divorce. 

When couples spend exorbitant amounts of money on their wedding, it often becomes less about their love for one another and their excitement to start their life together, and more about throwing a fancy party. Not to mention the stress and financial burden that goes along with planning such a grandiose day can put undue pressure on your relationship. 

When a couple chooses to focus more on their love than on planning a party, that’s a good sign that they’re getting married for the right reasons. That’s not to say that every couple who spends a lot of money on their wedding is doomed, of course, but it’s still an interesting point to consider. 

All that aside, however, it’s clear that most couples are opting to spend quite a bit of money on their big day. Not only is it getting more and more expensive to have a wedding, but it’s also getting increasingly expensive to attend a wedding.

Influencer Weddings Are Not the Norm

This certainly isn’t a new revelation, but it’s always good to intermittently remind yourself that social media is not reality. Social media is a highlight reel, and that’s especially true when it comes to influencers. Apps like TikTok, Instagram, Pinterest, and YouTube make it seem like it’s normal to have larger than life, themed weddings at tropical, luxurious locales. 

You’ve probably seen some of your favorite influencers attend over-the-top bachelorette trips away to fun destinations like Nashville, Scottsdale, Las Vegas, and Miami. These social media highlights make it seem like bougie bachelorettes and lavish weddings are the norm, but they’re not. 

Imagine you’re a bridesmaid at one of these weddings. You’d be expected to pay for your dress (and any matching outfits or themed occasions), travel to and from both the bachelorette party and the wedding, accommodations at both, meals and drinks out, and a bridal shower gift and a wedding gift. That’s not even taking into account other incidentals like rental cars or pet care while you’re out of town. 

All of this can quickly add up to four or five figures, depending on where and when these events take place. Asking a wedding guest to spend thousands of dollars to attend your wedding is not normal, and it’s not something that should be expected. Everyone has their own financial goals and obstacles and expecting your guests to drain their Savings account in order to celebrate you is not something we should be normalizing.

Where Do We Draw the Line?

So what do you do if you’re invited to a wedding (either as a guest or a wedding party member), and you can’t afford to go? Maybe it’s a destination wedding or you live far away or your finances are just tight right now. Money can be a difficult topic to talk about, but this is a situation where honesty is the best policy. 

Simply tell the bride or groom that while you are over the moon for them and appreciate the invite, it’s not within your budget to attend. Be gracious and kind but firm. There’s no reason to feel shame or guilt about your financial situation.

Or, if it’s the bachelorette party and duties that are quickly adding up, be honest with the bride about your concerns. Maybe she’d be willing to stay at a less expensive hotel or find bridesmaid dresses that are more reasonably priced. If she’s your friend, then she should be empathetic to your financial situation and be willing to compromise. At the end of the day, having your loved ones there on your wedding day should be a higher priority than throwing the most lavish party imaginable. 

If, however, there’s still no way you can afford to participate in bachelorette duties and/or go to the wedding, then simply be honest with her about it. Do this gracefully, of course. There’s no need to make the bride feel bad about her choices. After all, it’s her big day and she can spend her money the way she sees fit. Don’t let her financial choices influence yours or vice versa. 

You can still be supportive and kind while keeping it real about what’s feasible for you and what’s not. If you’re feeling guilty about not being able to go or want to extend a kind gesture in lieu of attending, you can still get the bride and groom a wedding gift. Or if you have to skip the bachelorette party, maybe call the restaurant where the group is eating dinner one night and have a bottle of champagne sent over. There are still ways to show your support without breaking the bank. 

Closing Thoughts

If you have the money to spend on an extravagant wedding, then go for it, but do it because it’s what you want to do, not because you feel obligated to have a fancy wedding or go viral on TikTok. And try not to put undue pressure on your guests to spend more money on your wedding than is necessary. If you want to have a destination wedding in Fiji and it’s within your budget to do so, that’s fine, but it’s not fair to expect that this will be something all of your guests can afford as well. Try to find areas of compromise. Instead of doing a grandiose bachelorette trip to an expensive destination, consider doing something more low-key that won’t involve airfare or where you can all split an Airbnb instead of spending thousands on a luxury hotel. Sharing this experience with the ones you love most is far more important than crafting the perfect social media post.

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