Big Wedding Sold You A Tradition That Doesn't Exist

Few milestones carry as much cultural significance and expectation as a wedding. Enormous amounts of money are spent in the name of tradition. But what Big Wedding doesn’t want you to know is that the extravagant, fit-for-royalty fairytale wedding isn’t one based in tradition. It’s an outcome of modern marketing. For many of us living in the United States, the word “wedding” conjures an immediate mental image of a blushing bride wearing an elaborate white gown. A tiered cake so large it could feed an army. And a venue that’s as posh as it is meticulously decorated. While I still mentally see these things when I think about weddings, I also see big fat dollar signs. I was married almost eight years ago and am still metaphorically reeling from how quickly the costs added up. And I know it’s not just me. The wedding industry was valued at 65 billion dollars in 2024 and is forecasted to keep growing. The average American wedding costs $36,000 as of 2026. Some of the Most Hallmarked Wedding Traditions Aren’t Actually That Traditional A bride wears white on her wedding day. It’s something that is just simply done. (Though, I’ll admit, my wedding dress had a silvery blue lining.) I—like many others, I expect—always imagined this tradition dating back hundreds of years. But, as it turns out, it’s not that old at all. Wearing white on your wedding day didn’t become an expectation until Queen Victoria wore a white gown to marry Prince Albert in 1840. The Queen loved fashion and was looking to make a statement. And her silk satin gown complete with Honiton lace and a six-yard-long train did exactly that. Up until that moment, royalty wedding dresses came in a variety of colors. And non-royal brides also wore an array of hues. Their wedding attire didn’t follow specific parameters—it was often the nicest garment they had hanging in their closet. Following the industrial revolution , wedding dress production became manufactured and the luxurious garments—suddenly all shades of white and cream—became accessible to the masses. These “Traditions” Were Designed to Get Into Your Wallet And it’s not just wedding dresses. Diamond engagement rings weren’t commonplace until the 1940s, following the "A diamond is forever” ad campaign by De Beers, one of the world’s leading diamond companies. While the history books will tell you Archduke Maximilian of Austria used a diamond ring to propose in 1477 , the trend wasn’t set until De Beers’ celebrity-endorsed ad campaign. Similarly, tiered wedding cakes were not always a wedding must-have. While the symbolism of wedding cakes dates back hundreds of years, these earlier versions were often humble wheat cakes . It wasn’t until the 1660s that French pastry chefs created a tiered cake for King Charles II. This was a phenomenon, not a tradition. The tiered wedding cake wasn’t frequently seen until the Victorian era (in the 1800s). It was then that the “classic” reception confection became a had-to-have, versus a symbol of wealth. Honeymoons are another tradition that were once reserved for the wealthy. As the middle class rose—and travel by steamship and railway made adventuring accessible—during the Victorian era, couples began taking elaborate trips . Now, it’s hard to fathom a wedding without an accompanying luxury honeymoon. It’s become increasingly difficult to discern real life from marketing. Are our traditions sacred practices? Or an industry pushing an ideal upon us? Are our tastes our own? Or are we just exposed to the same vision and aesthetic enough times that we start to have the same preferences as everyone else? The more you examine the history of wedding traditions popular among modern Americans, the clearer it becomes that most of them were nonexistent until the mid-1800s. And even still, many weren’t accessible to everyday, average-wealth individuals until well into the 1900s. Like so many other aspects of our modern culture—from a hyperactive back-to-school season to a gluttonous Christmas—wedding traditions have been determined by marketing. Maybe you love illustrious, bead-adorned white ballgowns. And maybe diamonds are your favorite gemstone. Does it really matter if your opinions are natural or influenced, so long as it makes you happy? I would argue that it does. The more we can see and understand the impact marketing has had on our traditions, the more empowered we become and the more autonomy we grant ourselves. Marketing has a very real influence on our lived experiences. The more knowledge we possess, the less guilt we feel shirking “traditions” that don’t serve us (or, more specifically, our financial health). It’s worth pulling the veil off Big Wedding so that those wandering down the aisle of courtship, engagement, and marriage can make decisions most aligned with their personal values. Don’t Lose Sight of the Big Picture I was married in my early ‘20s. I wasn’t one of those girls who had grown up with a wedding vision, but once I started reading the blogs and flipping through the magazines, an enchanted white wedding ideal began to form in my head. But we didn’t have a lot of money. So I found myself having to sacrifice along the way. To this day, there are times I find myself lamenting the wedding that wasn’t and that will never be. And then I remind myself of the big picture: I am married to a man I love, trust, and respect. We (now) have three beautiful children and a fulfilling life together. Sure, we didn’t get to say our vows in a castle or have the most picturesque reception venue but, at the end of the day, it doesn’t matter. The wedding isn’t the end goal; your marriage is. We are all subject to a constant barrage of content. Much of it is designed to make us feel bad. Like the infamous serpent lurking in the Garden of Eden, it whispers in our ear, encouraging us to throw money at products and experiences that will instantaneously solve our problems, make us happier, help us keep up with our neighbors and, ultimately, make our life better. Big Wedding tells us to spend tens of thousands of dollars on our engagement, wedding, and honeymoon. And if it’s your prerogative to do so, that’s great. Marriage is, after all, a beautiful commitment worth celebrating. But you also shouldn’t feel bad, less than, or embarrassed if you don’t have that kind of money to spend. Or, if you do have that kind of money but would rather use it toward a down payment on a house. Putting yourself in debt to fund a one-day celebration is a surefire way to add unnecessary stress to your new marriage . If you’re currently planning your wedding and feel like you might actually die from the crushing financial burden, take both a step back and a deep breath. It can be difficult to stray from expectations or not have an experience that lives up to cultural hype. But the best way to guarantee a wedding of your dreams is to follow your own vision and expectations. Do what’s best for you and your marriage. At the end of the day, the prize is your new spouse. Walk away with love in your hearts and leave the exorbitant invoice Big Wedding is serving you on the table.