Ask Evie: Should I Redownload Dating Apps Even Though I’ve Had Terrible Experiences With Them In The Past?

READER’S QUESTION: "Do you think that it is putting you at a disadvantage in modern day society for a single woman to not at least consider being on a dating app? I am a 25 year old woman who got out of a long term relationship a few months ago. I was very in love and very much wanted to marry him. We met through work. I was sad when he broke up with me, but also relieved that I wasn't trapped in a relationship that wasn't going to end in marriage.

The majority of my friends have met their significant others on dating apps. Yes, there's a good chance that eventually, (it could take years tbh and I do not have time to waste I want 5 kids) I will meet a guy or two who are eligible to date through mutual friends or work, but if I am going to go on any dates in the near future, I feel as though the only option is dating apps. The problem is that I have had such bad experiences on the apps, and it sounds exhausting even considering redownloading them. My friends all say I need to get back out there and give the apps another shot.

I am very active, I go to parties and make an effort to meet new people, I am on a competitive, co-ed swim team, I am around men at work, but there is no one that I know who is even a remote possibility. I want to date again. I want to find my husband. I am social, outgoing, and do many activities that put me around men. But I am facing the possibility that I will have to open up Pandora's box of dating apps in order to go on dates again, and risk getting hurt, ghosted, disrespected, and burnt out in the process. But I could also find my husband! I am torn."

EVIE’S ADVICE: Our short answer is yes, you should redownload them! Here’s why. You know what you’re getting yourself into this time and it doesn’t sound like you’re putting all of your eggs in this one basket. Now that you’ve experienced the highs and lows that dating apps often bring, you can manage your expectations and set healthy boundaries to avoid unnecessary hurt. Redownload just one app, though (ideally, the one you had the best experience with last time, or the one your friends used to find their boyfriends). There’s no need to add every popular one available back into your rotation and inevitably burn yourself out trying to keep up with hundreds of thousands of possible matches. Set some boundaries for yourself this time around to protect your mental health. Set a timer to spend only 15 minutes on it each day in the beginning so that you have enough time to peruse through possible matches and maybe chat a bit, but not enough time to dwell on the app for hours or keep you from meeting someone in person. Set very specific filters on the app that you choose to ensure that whoever you match with will actually be worth your time. If a deal breaker for you is that he must practice your same religion, or that he lives in the same city as you, put those parameters on the app from the get-go. Don’t be discouraged if setting specific standards narrows your dating pool online. 

Keep in mind that even if you do redownload a dating app and open up that possibility of meeting someone online, that doesn’t mean you can’t still meet someone in person in the meantime!

Also, keep in mind that even if you do redownload a dating app and open up that possibility of meeting someone online, that doesn’t mean you can’t still meet someone in person in the meantime! Continue to put yourself out there like you’ve been doing through attending parties, at work, on swim team, etc. In addition to your current routine, maybe add in some new ways to meet men in real life like switching up the coffee shop you frequent, asking a trusted friend to set you up, or swim at a local gym or lake instead of your usual spot. 

All in all, your friends are right that you should get back out there and give dating apps another chance. Just don’t put so much pressure on yourself to meet the perfect man on there, and live your life in the meantime. The funny thing about finding your spouse is that it can truly happen at any time, anywhere. You could be only minutes away from meeting him right now – whether that’s on your lunch break when you’re walking around the park, or swiping right on an app. It only takes one person to make all of the negative experiences worth it.

Have a question you want our advice on? Email it to us at ask@eviemagazine.com.